Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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