u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
