none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
