Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
