No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize