just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize