We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
