i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
