remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
