She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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