Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
