Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
