Im at strip club and am horny
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
