he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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