don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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