So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
