Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
