I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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