You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
