your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
