the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
