She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
