dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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