They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize