What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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