i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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