they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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