...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He felt like a one man threesome
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How does it feel to date your dad?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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