I just threw up on my dentist
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
