Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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