bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
