actually, I'm a sock model
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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