I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
