If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
