his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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