Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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