Your face is a jimmy john
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
