Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
