When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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