I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
