you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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