just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We left an ass print on the piano.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
