I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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