Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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