she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
