The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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