the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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