You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
