Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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