Your mouth is God's brothel.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
