Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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