Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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