Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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