Michael Bay diarrhea
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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