I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My first STD was from a foam party
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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