I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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