would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
