the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
