You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
