I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
