The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
