he wants to bone in the snuggie
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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