I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
