a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am one with the molecules
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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