That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
