Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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